As a mother of two boys, my days are filled with scrapes, wrestling, and mud pits. There is no shortness of boo boos to tend or prayers offered up for patience to persevere through the chaos. Oftentimes, I will watch them play imaginary games while splashing in puddles and five minutes later, compete against each other way too aggressively. They are rough, impulsive, and dare I say, savage? But for every ounce of wildness they exhibit outwardly, is a dose of tenderness inwardly. They are the first to tell me, “mom you’re pretty” or “mommy, I love you.” They are notorious for batting their eyelashes and softly asking me to lay with them for just “five more minutes” before they go to sleep. They care when they hurt my feelings because they care deeply about me.
I recently went to a wedding and watched the mother of the groom dance with her son. As they were silhouetted against a beautiful backdrop of farmland, my eyes welled up with tears. No one prepares you to understand that our goal as parents is to launch our kids like arrows in the world. But as a mom of sons, nothing can prepare you to give your son away to someone else. That he would love some other woman more than you. That he would call her first when something good happens. That he would trust her with his tears when things don’t go his way. That time will come before I could ever be ready for it. But in really wrestling with this, I’m reminded that my boys were never “mine” to begin with. They were given to me to shepherd and raise in the way of the Lord. They are His. My love for them should resemble the love of their Father in heaven. I pray I remember this when the time does come to let them go.
The fingerprints that dirty up my glass doors and the smudges that stain my white banisters will eventually be permanently clean. The constant noise and chaos in my house will eventually be quiet and calm. So today, I will savor the smiles and embrace the sound of their laughter and quarrels. I will avoid frustration that my seasonal decor is disheveled. I will be their biggest fan on the front porch. I will go through all the sports cards with them a thousand times. I will build forts with them and play hide-and-seek. I will spend a few more minutes lying with them at bedtime. I will hold their hugs a few seconds longer and kiss the top of their heads until they are too tall for me to reach. And most importantly, I will remind them that no matter how much I love them, that God loves them more.